I have decided to keep a journal/diary here on my computer and I am using Microsoft Word. I have several diaries sitting around the house and thought I would type them in on here to keep. Mostly ranting of the past 13 years just to keep myself sane. And if stories get messed up or changed by a certain person who will remain nameless here, I have the proof what actually happened and what we have had to deal with. So other certain people will see what a certain nameless party is REALLY like and how they treat us on a regular basis. I am truly hoping this project does not pull me down into depression because it very well could. If it starts to do that, I will back off of it for a while.

Part of me says "what's the point?" and part of me says "I am feeding it so it continues." I don't know what to think of it except maybe it will be a sort of therapy for me to know that I am NOT THE CRAZY ONE. I have always done my best with the situation and tried to keep a paper trail for just in case. But it all seems so pointless. This person will never change and proves that point on a regular basis. I wish I could drop them from my life all together but I can't, not when a family member is related to them. I have tried to distance myself from all the drama for so many years. They have even told me that it's none of my business in the past, but they keep on including me and dragging me in and down with them.

So what do I do? Keep a diary just a little place to voice myself without other peoples input. Just recording facts as they happen so they don't have to revolve in my head forever more making me sick. Maybe one day someone will read it and know the real truth and how devastating it's all been and how I have had to grow to get through it.

Maybe talking about it here is a bad idea since I have no idea if they ever come here to nose around and lurk then posting as anonymous. I don't know. You know what I don't give a shit, this is my blog and my place to write. I really don't care what they do or think. I am bigger than that and better than that. I must get on with my life and our life without them bringing everything down. How they live is their business and when they affect my life I have to act on it so I am not ill and my family is not suffering. I look at that whole situation as entertaining, a comedy of sorts on how not to live and treat others. How not to bring the world down with you and hurt people.

I am here to love and enjoy my life and not let others ruin for me. So I am recording my thoughts in an attempt to heal myself. This diary will remain on my computer and not posted in this blog just in case you are little confused. What do you think? Opinions are welcomed please.

Amanda, I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Only you know the answer to your question. BUT: I can offer something to ponder...

The hard-copy journal is a book of strictly facts, right? Would you be tainting that if you shared that information as well as your feelings and thoughts - would it change from fact to opinion, in other words?

This is something only you can decide, hon. If I was in your shoes (and I was - for ten long years), and I was going to make a public record (just in case anything happened to the hard-copy), I would want to be sure to state the facts, and keep my opinions and thoghts out of it, just in case it was ever found and used in court. But that's just me. You have to do what you feel is the right thing to do, hon. Everyone's situation is different, even though there may be a lot of similarities to the case...

I will ask the universe to help you make a decision that will be in everyone's best interests, including yours, my friend. Sending you lots of love...

oh yeah and NO this is not public. All I have done is transfer it to my computer and not changing anything. So that when I add to it in the future I can do so on the computer instead of writing with a pen. My hand hurts when I use a pen. It's still private and it is now in my computer to add to later. Now a computer diary instead of a physical notebook. Sorry I was unclear. and thank you for your advice I really appreciate it. I finished it already and so my arms hurt now.

Ohhhh.... Okay... I totally misunderstood what you were getting at there. Sorry about that - and thank you for clarifying for me...