I feel the need to right a blog today. Grab some coffee and relax. This weekend was a long one with labor day. I cleaned house and got ready for bradleys folks to come over. Yesterday they came over and we make hamburgers on the grill. Today I am getting ready for work but my emotions and nerves are all wacky. Its another cycle time and they have been really wacky the past year. A week late and a week early, a few days early and few days late I never know when it will be anymore even though this time I feel like I am on it but its just not flowing yet. a week late this time. In Jan. I will be 40. I say its a bit early for this but...... here I am a shaking emotional mess. I can't even watch a movie without sobbing. My mind and body don't really care what the occasion is as long as I can cry.

Just now I went out to enjoy a clove cig and was mesmerized by the few leaves falling. We are getting an early autumn. I love autumn but we didn't really get summer. I hate summer anyway and would rather have cool weather. I love the beauty of the seasons but am sensitive to the temperature.  I just wish my nerves weren't all over the place right now. I am taking pamprin and i am not even flowing. I know my posting here this time is of the female persuasion but i can't help it. This is whats going on with me. I am not quite 40 and I am gonna have to go into the Doc and see what I can do about my hormones. I don't want to I tell you and I will wait it out a little longer before I go in. I just feel like I am aging and becoming more fragile of nerves and thats not like me. I am usually strong of character *fist in the air*  now look at me. Jumbling mess.

I just watched the movie The Secret Life of Bees. I read the book a long time ago and it was great. I never saw the movie though until now. They did a great job and wouldn't you know it.... *I had to go get the tissues*  shit why can't I just enjoy something. It was a great movie and followed the book pretty well.  Now I am just shaky and needing to get my thoughts out. My hormones are so out of whack I feel like someone close to me died. My body should not be in a state of trauma for Christs sake. I will do some calming down now for a couple hours before I go to work.

Amanda, darling, I know you're not going to like this, but it sounds to me like you're peri-menopausal, if not fully menopausal. I wouldn't wait to see the Doc, hon; I'd be making an appointment as soon as you can, because the longer you wait, the more intense things are going to get. Trust me; I know what I'm talking about.

For now, just try to go with things as they come, and remember to breathe. And when you feel yourself getting out of control like that, just stop what you're doing and take a few slow, deep breaths, and imagine yourself surrounded by blue light. That will help to calm you further.

Your life is changing, my friend. You are moving into a new phase, now, and I hope you'll continue sharing the journey with us...

Thank you for your kind words my friend. I know..... I am waiting it out though because we just dont' have the money to pay for me to go in for stupid hormonal shit. I am the on my death bed sort of person before I go into the docs. The USA for you. we suffer since we can't afford healthy docs visits. Just a check up ya know? Can't do it yet. I am taking it day by day and trying to take care of my nerves. Thanks for being an ear for me!!! ((hugs)) <3 o:)

Awwww, Amanda, what sweet words you speak to me, my friend. I just saw your comment at the Tree......

You're so right that we're all brothers and sisters, that we're all connected. I think some of us just experience those connections on a more personal level, is all. Some people feel like friend connections, others feel like family. You know what I mean? I do feel a kindred spirit in you, though. Maybe it's because we're fairly close in age, maybe it's because we're women, maybe it's because of life experiences or interests... Maybe it's a combination of all those things. I don't know. But I do feel that kindred spirit sense with you, and I for one am very grateful to the universe for bringing you into my life.

****sniffle**** have a great day my friend!!

Yep, I hear ya sister (re: my post). Grizz is suffering from a bitchin' headache, too - what is with the weather, lately???

Anyway, I know how you feel about seeing the doc only if you're on your deathbed. I'm the same way - and it gets me in trouble every time. LOL There are some things you can do, though, to keep you going between now and when you DO decide to go. I'm pretty certain you're either peri-menopausal or menopausal, so if you treat your symptoms accordingly, you may find yourself feeling better. I think I'll write a post (or two, or three...) on how to deal with it all; I've been in menopause for a number of years, now, so maybe I can help...

Breathe, my friend, and know you're not alone.