My mom sent me a Birthday package and I got it today. It is wonderful, she sent me Yorkshire Tea which I LOVE and 2 cd's Katherine Jenkins a Welsh artist and Celine Dion Taking Chances. Also a beautiful necklace and earring set with dropping dark sparkley flowers. I would wear it today but I am dressed down in hoodie for work. She also gave me 2 little trinket boxes both are round and used to be my great Auntie Liz's. Mom was dusting them for 3 years and Uncle Derek was cleaning out her things and since Auntie Liz and my daughter Rhiannon have the same Birthday they sent them to me. Well you know whats going to happen to them?........ They will be Rhiannons later when she is much older. They are so special like a piece of Auntie Liz here with us so she can visit and watch over. I am feeling so sentimental and sad right now...these gifts were so thoughtful. I am a bit depressed right now and feel like I am being punished for my Birthday instead of celebrating. I don't expect anything ever and I don't ask for anything not even help. But sometimes Hubby acts like an ass and thinks he is justified for stupid reasons that don't really exist. He wasn't even here for my Birthday he planned a math con for the whole week....telling me the whole week on the phone we would do something like dinner or a movie this weekend. You what we did? NOTHING.....until I went out and got movies at Blockbuster and bought my own cake. DAMN it I HATE him sometimes. Yes he got me this new computer.....but what I actually needed is some caring and love maybe "you are special" or "Happy Birthday" at least. An expensive present isn't what I expect or want if I have a choice between it and some unconditional love. Yes 2 years ago I didn't get him anything for his birthday until after it like 2 or 3 days. I got him a gift when I could finally think of something while asking him everyday what he wanted. And do you know what he did? Had me return it because he didn't need it. That stabbed me like a knife and he is throwing that birthday of his in my face this weekend as to a good reason to skip mine? As if I have to earn a fucking Birthday. As if I have to fucking earn him treating me like he should be anyway. Nobody sees him like this except me. Its not often but its totally unexeptable. He is in a better mood now but why should have I had to go out and get the things needed to make a good day of it? I always get his cake and have the girls make him something and we eat a nice meal or whatever and I am always racking my brain trying to think what to get him. And my birthday was treated like utter shit. I am sure he didn't mean it but how dare he even think of making it that way? If we are going to skip my Birthday lets just agree on it in advance so I know its not coming. I grew up my whole life not having Birthday Parties because my mom could not be bothered. Now we have means of actually at least acknowledging them I would like at least a Happy Birthday out of his mouth and not over the phone at 10:30 at night because he was having a nice time at his Con and couldn't be bothered to call me sooner.
hmmmf. At least Rhiannon was here with me. It was just any other day but it was quiet and not irritating with him here being annoying. I was looking forward to the weekend with him here and we could at least hang out and have a nice time anyway. All we did was get into a fight about his Birthday from 2 years ago and how he was trying to blow off mine this year. I have never blown off his Birthday even when he has been in a bad mood for it and all I wanted to do was throw his cake at him. Birthdays are special to me but now I don't even want to try this year for his. But I will because that is the kind of person I am.
Sorry for letting lose. The situation is over and he is sorry and I am sorry for falling apart. I should feel better soon thanks for listening.
~~~~Amanda
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